All kinds of time.....

So I'll be going to Calgary the first week of September. Bryan and I are gonna go check things out. Who knows, maybe we'll find some jobs well we're there and only come back to move our stuff.... maybe I'll stay and he'll come back... maybe we'll both be back. At this point, I can't really determine where I'm at. I feel like I'm missing out on something in Calgary.... or even just outside of Niagara; yet, I find myself in a bit of an odd spot. I don't want to leave friends nor family around here. I've got some of the closest friends right here, at my side. My family (well, most of it) is right here. I worry about missing out on my family. I worry that something will happen while I'm gone. I worry about missing out on some fantastic times. I guess I just get homesick thinking about how I might get homesick....

I also find myself occasionally sitting here listening to depressing music, thinking about tough decisions, writing about it in my journal from time to time. This is that time.

I guess I'm just stuck. I feel lost. I feel like I'm waiting for my life to begin.

Most of all, I'm not scared about starting something new - I'm scared of losing something old, and comfortable. I get sad thinking about leaving everybody here. Bryan, for example, has been my best friend for years. He's been there through a lot. Sometimes he kicks me around, sometimes he helps me out. I guess that's what friends do best... and I guess that's why, if he doesn't come, I'll miss my best friend.

Alright, well, I suppose that's enough about that. In the rest of my life - nothing (remains) new. I'm still writing a crapload of songs. I'm still loveless. I'm still working on being a better me. It's not easy getting through life I suppose. Not just that Calgary thing, not just loveless, but lately I've been thinking back on a lot of things. A bit on love lost, a bit on love that never truly started. I need to get out and do something more than this... I feel bigger than this. I feel like I can do so much more with me if I could just figure out what that is. Maybe I should write a book, maybe I should travel, maybe I should just be me. Lately, though, I don't feel like myself. With all this in my head lately, I don't feel like I really know what I'm doing, or what I've done. I'm feeling a bit more than lost.

I'll get through this yet.... somehow...